Passion

It was brought to my attention recently that I had not blogged in quite a while- and how true that is. So here's my attempt to blog some thoughts i have recently had.

What does it take to be passionate?? Passionate about my Father God, about my amazing husband, my children? Passion~ it has so many meanings. To me, though, it means that that thing, or person, you are passionate about consumes your thoughts, you are eager to know more, see more, be more.

The way I become passionate is by learning more about that thing or person. My passion for birth came after I dived head- first into educating myself on the subject. My passion for my husband comes from learning more about him and by allowing God to flow through me and love my husband with His love. My passion for Christ must come from a daily desire to be learning more, listnening more, and allowing him to feed the passion with His Truth. The passion for my children comes from knowing they are not mine- they are the Lord's.

I have not read a novel in ....I cannot tell you how long...certainly before my kids were born- 7 years?? Over the past 3 days- while feeling too sick to do anything else- I read a wonderful book by my favorite earthly author, Francine Rivers. The title of the book is "The Scarlet Thread". I highly encourage everyone to read this highly convicting and life altering story of two women facing the same daily battles. This story contrasts a modern day woman, and a woman who is traveling the Oregon Trail. What an amazing journey for both of them to realize that God was in control the whole time...through death, birth, disownment, divorce, adultery, disenherritance, and so much more.

God is always in control...now THAT is something I could get passionate about!!!!

Revelation

Amidst my mindless t.v. watching, I realized something... There comes a time in a teenage girls life when she says to her mother..."There's just some things that are easier to talk to Dad about." As much as I want my daughters...3 of them!!!!... to run to their Daddy when things are rough or confusing in life, why not Mom? Why is it easier to talk to Dad? And when I take the time to go back a few years...holy cow is it 15 year back...I realize it's cuz Dad doesn't take things personally, and Dad can see things from a dude's point of view, and Dad can set his emotions aside to answer questions. Why is that so hard for Mom? Why does Mom internalize all the "drama"? I remember waiting until my Dad would tuck me in- even as a teen- to spill the beans. He would listen and he would know what to say. Mom would freak out if she knew I was thinking a certain way about a certain something...but Dad just expected it...it's like he knew it was coming. Could he remember back to when he was a boy and see it from that perspective? Or did he just feel what I was feeling because I am his daughter? I look at my husband...and I look at my daughters, and I see him seeing things that I don't always see...I see him EXPECTING sin, when I am foolishly surprised by it. I see them wanting his approval. I don't know if every daughter felt this way, but I know I had a Dad who listened, and cared, and knew what to say, and who emmulated the true Father's love and how it is lived out. Praise God for my Dad!

Regrets

I can remember driving the 25-30 mins. (depending on traffic) down Walden to Harlem to Mineral Springs, to Frank, to 161 Norman Ave.
I remember thinking that it was such a long trip. That I wish that they could only live closer. That I would just stay home since it would take such a long time to get there to visit. What a freakin' fool I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mom, and Dad, and my brothers, I would do ANYTHING to have you only 25-30 mins away. I can't handle it anymore. It hurts soooo bad. I can't write it...I can't explain the pain involved. You are so far away and I can't do anything to get you back here. All I can do is think of what a fool I was for not jumping at the opportunity to see you every chance I had.

Potty Time!

Well for the past few weeks Trinity (2 yrs 2 months) has been pooping on the potty. She will tell me, " I go poo poo potty." and we'll run over to the potty and she will go! Today however, she told us twice that she had to pee pee, and she did! On the BIG potty! She seems to like going on the big potty, and she even went poop at a friends house on their big potty! I'm so excited! And so is my hubby, especially since he is the one who washes the diapers! So thus begins the adventure of underpants and puddles! It's exciting! She's so proud of herself and so are we!

The Quiet

I love getting up when my hubby does (5am) and getting him his coffee and making him an omlet and kissing him as he leaves for the day. It's not been an easy thing for me...I love my sleep! But I have noticed that on the days that I put Peter before myself, my wants (sleep!), then my day goes sooo much better! I'm able to get the laundry done- except the folding- I do that while listening to my oldest read. I'm able to get the dishes done, although I do sometimes leave the dishwasher to be unloaded by Trinity (2) and Hailey (6). They are so cute how much they love to do it! Hailey will hand a cup to Trin, and she will bring it to me, and I will put it away. The best part though, is how she says, "Here" every single time she gives me a dish! It comes out sounding like "HE." LOVE IT! I think I have figured out a routine that works for balancing homeschooling and mothering the other two little ones. And just because it worked yesterday doesn't mean it will work again, but it's something to shoot for I guess. If I wait until we've had breakfast, changed T. and P.'s diapers, and let them play a bit together, when P. is ready for her morning nap, I can put on Elmo for T. and then get started with school with H. I love getting school done before lunch- it's kind of like a reward for both of us! Which I'm not sure is a good way to look at food, but for now it's working for us.

Purposeful

So I haven't blogged since I had my sweet little "Pay Pay" as we like to call her. I've been thinking lately about being "purposeful" in everything. Do I have goals for my day? Do I have goals for the week, month, year??? What do I want to accomplish and more importantly, WHY?? What makes that task worthwhile? Is it accomplishing anything for eternity? Is it glorifying to Christ? Will it change how I submit to my husband or how I parent my children?

Purposeful eating...Am I eating because I'm bored? Am I eating because I feel sad about how I look? Am I eating because it just looks so good??

Purposeful reading...Will this draw me closer or further to Christ?

Purposeful TV watching...Will this benefit me? How could I be spending my time better? Why do I want to "veg?" Would my husband feel more loved if I shut it off and went upstairs to meet his needs?

Purposeful listening...Do I listen to others just so that I can respond, or do I really care about what they have to say?

Purposeful socializing...Am I a good friend? Am I trustworthy and someone to confide in?

Well, just some of my thoughts. I'm going to pray that God continues to convict me and that I submit my will to Him, and surrender.