Revelation

Amidst my mindless t.v. watching, I realized something... There comes a time in a teenage girls life when she says to her mother..."There's just some things that are easier to talk to Dad about." As much as I want my daughters...3 of them!!!!... to run to their Daddy when things are rough or confusing in life, why not Mom? Why is it easier to talk to Dad? And when I take the time to go back a few years...holy cow is it 15 year back...I realize it's cuz Dad doesn't take things personally, and Dad can see things from a dude's point of view, and Dad can set his emotions aside to answer questions. Why is that so hard for Mom? Why does Mom internalize all the "drama"? I remember waiting until my Dad would tuck me in- even as a teen- to spill the beans. He would listen and he would know what to say. Mom would freak out if she knew I was thinking a certain way about a certain something...but Dad just expected it...it's like he knew it was coming. Could he remember back to when he was a boy and see it from that perspective? Or did he just feel what I was feeling because I am his daughter? I look at my husband...and I look at my daughters, and I see him seeing things that I don't always see...I see him EXPECTING sin, when I am foolishly surprised by it. I see them wanting his approval. I don't know if every daughter felt this way, but I know I had a Dad who listened, and cared, and knew what to say, and who emmulated the true Father's love and how it is lived out. Praise God for my Dad!

Regrets

I can remember driving the 25-30 mins. (depending on traffic) down Walden to Harlem to Mineral Springs, to Frank, to 161 Norman Ave.
I remember thinking that it was such a long trip. That I wish that they could only live closer. That I would just stay home since it would take such a long time to get there to visit. What a freakin' fool I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mom, and Dad, and my brothers, I would do ANYTHING to have you only 25-30 mins away. I can't handle it anymore. It hurts soooo bad. I can't write it...I can't explain the pain involved. You are so far away and I can't do anything to get you back here. All I can do is think of what a fool I was for not jumping at the opportunity to see you every chance I had.

Potty Time!

Well for the past few weeks Trinity (2 yrs 2 months) has been pooping on the potty. She will tell me, " I go poo poo potty." and we'll run over to the potty and she will go! Today however, she told us twice that she had to pee pee, and she did! On the BIG potty! She seems to like going on the big potty, and she even went poop at a friends house on their big potty! I'm so excited! And so is my hubby, especially since he is the one who washes the diapers! So thus begins the adventure of underpants and puddles! It's exciting! She's so proud of herself and so are we!

The Quiet

I love getting up when my hubby does (5am) and getting him his coffee and making him an omlet and kissing him as he leaves for the day. It's not been an easy thing for me...I love my sleep! But I have noticed that on the days that I put Peter before myself, my wants (sleep!), then my day goes sooo much better! I'm able to get the laundry done- except the folding- I do that while listening to my oldest read. I'm able to get the dishes done, although I do sometimes leave the dishwasher to be unloaded by Trinity (2) and Hailey (6). They are so cute how much they love to do it! Hailey will hand a cup to Trin, and she will bring it to me, and I will put it away. The best part though, is how she says, "Here" every single time she gives me a dish! It comes out sounding like "HE." LOVE IT! I think I have figured out a routine that works for balancing homeschooling and mothering the other two little ones. And just because it worked yesterday doesn't mean it will work again, but it's something to shoot for I guess. If I wait until we've had breakfast, changed T. and P.'s diapers, and let them play a bit together, when P. is ready for her morning nap, I can put on Elmo for T. and then get started with school with H. I love getting school done before lunch- it's kind of like a reward for both of us! Which I'm not sure is a good way to look at food, but for now it's working for us.

Purposeful

So I haven't blogged since I had my sweet little "Pay Pay" as we like to call her. I've been thinking lately about being "purposeful" in everything. Do I have goals for my day? Do I have goals for the week, month, year??? What do I want to accomplish and more importantly, WHY?? What makes that task worthwhile? Is it accomplishing anything for eternity? Is it glorifying to Christ? Will it change how I submit to my husband or how I parent my children?

Purposeful eating...Am I eating because I'm bored? Am I eating because I feel sad about how I look? Am I eating because it just looks so good??

Purposeful reading...Will this draw me closer or further to Christ?

Purposeful TV watching...Will this benefit me? How could I be spending my time better? Why do I want to "veg?" Would my husband feel more loved if I shut it off and went upstairs to meet his needs?

Purposeful listening...Do I listen to others just so that I can respond, or do I really care about what they have to say?

Purposeful socializing...Am I a good friend? Am I trustworthy and someone to confide in?

Well, just some of my thoughts. I'm going to pray that God continues to convict me and that I submit my will to Him, and surrender.

The Birth Story of Patience Anne

Monday October 11, 2010- 10 days past my due date

10am. Appointment with my midwife- everything is perfect- just waiting!

11:30am. Massage with my best friend Rebecca. She hits some pressure points and we pray for things to begin!

12pm. Visit my chiropractor who takes an extra long time with me doing everything he knows to get my body ready for labor. I am feeling good!

4:30pm. Arrive at my in-laws for dinner.

5pm. Start having contractions but they are sporadic and I've been having them for months so I don't pay too much attention.

5:30pm. They seem a bit close together so I ask my mother-in-law to use her watch. They are 2-3 mins. apart.

6pm. Everyone is sitting down for dinner, but I cannot sit. They are too close together and I'm uncomfortable. I walk around the house and go outside to text my mom and best friend that this may be the night.

7pm. I tell my husband that we need to go home. I really don't want to have a baby in the van!

7:30pm. We leave our 22 month old with them and we head home, but not before stopping at Tops so my hubby can get 2 energy drinks and I insist that he get me 2 yogurts for after delivery.

8pm. We arrive home and hubby is in super Daddy mode. He gets the pool set up in our bedroom, and all other preparations set. Hailey (5 years old) and I clean up the house. Contractions are still coming, but are a bit more sporadic.

8:30pm. We decide to make a birthday cake for the baby! Hailey is super excited about this!

9pm. We start watching a movie but decide it's not appropriate for Hailey, so we shut it off and go decorate the cake. Hailey loved it. I was still contracting- but they were still not too bad.

10pm. We decide to put Hailey to bed so she'd have energy to be awake when the birth was occurring. She wasn't too happy to go to bed, but was excited with the idea of us waking her up to watch her baby sister or brother being born.


I'm not really sure about the timing of everything after that. I know Peter and I got into the birthing pool together at some point and it was really relaxing and intimate. It was great to be focused together and to not have any distractions. I still was not fully convinced that this was really labor, since we had had a false alarm two weeks earlier where I was contracting all night long and then everything just stopped. So it wasn't until...



Tuesday October 12, 2010- 11 days after my due date

1am. I noticed a significant change in the intensity of the contractions and they seemed to be "deeper". Rather than in my belly they were lower in my body. I was really uncomfortable and the only relief I had was when Peter would rub my lower back. I'm not sure how close the contractions were, but it was at this point that I was fully convinced that this was indeed the "real thing."

3am. I was laying on my bed and I felt something burst (my bag of waters) and it was actually a bit painful. I let out a yelp- it sort of felt like I had been punched internally. When I felt the warmness of the water I told Peter my water had broken (good thing we had the plastic sheet on the bed!) and I got up out of bed and headed to the bathroom to pee and then got into the birthing pool.
We called the midwife and my mom, and I texted my best friend to let them know my water broke. My midwife said she was on her way. Once the water broke, the contractions were much more painful and were coming very close together. I knew the baby was making its way down. During this time I had to have Peter on his knees behind me, with his hands on my shoulders. This was the only way I could relax my shoulders and stay focused on relaxing.

3:50am. My midwife arrived and checked for the baby's heartbeat. Everything sounded great and she headed downstairs to sterilize her instruments.

4:20am. I can remember praying in between the intense contractions and asking God for His strength. I told my midwife to go wake up Hailey. I reached inside myself and felt the head about 1 inch away from being out of me. I knew I would be pushing soon. I got into a comfortable position squatting and leaning over the side of the pool. I wanted to gently and slowly let my body do the work instead of forcing it like I had done with my last child. I reached down and felt the baby's head coming out and I just held it there and tried to breathe until the next contraction came. I talked to my baby telling him/her that we were going to do this together and we were going to see each other soon. My midwife said to "Ease your baby out." So I kept saying "easy, easy." When the baby's head was completely out, I let out a scream of relief. It felt so good to be past that point. My husband didn't even know the head was coming out until it was completely out and he saw it. He reached in and helped me pull the baby up onto my stomach. Our sweet baby was out. It was amazing! My midwife put a towel around the baby and I lifted the baby's leg to discover that it was a girl! Our third baby girl! She was so calm and peaceful and never let out a cry at all. In fact, she was so relaxed on me that she started to fall asleep. Hailey was so excited to meet her new sister and kept saying how cute she was. Peter kept saying how awesome I did and was right by my side adoring our little Patience Anne. I decided to get out of the pool and deliver the placenta in my bed. It was taking a while since I wasn't able to nurse the baby due to her short cord. It was at least 20 mins. later when I delivered the placenta. It ended up being folded in half, so when it came out, it was like giving birth again. We left the placenta attached to Patience for about 2 hours. Every last drop of blood that she could have received from the cord got to her. The cord was completely white and totally empty when Hailey cut it. Patience Anne weighed 9lbs 4 oz. and was 20 1/2" She was completely healthy and nursed like a champ! This birth was amazing. I am so grateful to have such a supportive husband who was with me every step of the way through this labor and delivery. He took care of all the clean up from the birth and took such good care of me while I was recovering. Praise God for His enormous blessings that I do not deserve!

Pregnancy Thoughts

I cannot wrap my head around the fact that tomorrow is the day this baby is due. No one imagined that he or she would be inside me for this long. I feel very grateful to know that this baby is healthy and growing, and is going to be nice and pudgy when it comes out. I am so jumping out of my skin excited to meet them and hold their little hand and kiss their soft cheeks and watch them be completely satisfied at my breast.

Although my stomach is so huge, and my thighs are bigger than they've been in a looonng time, I have never felt more beautiful. My stomach is round and tight and smooth- there is no loose skin, there is no sagginess. My breasts are full and plump, ready to do their job. I am in awe of the miracle of life. The beautiful intimacy that God created to be shared between a husband and wife. I recently heard conception described as "a mommy and daddy's love for each other just spilling out and it makes a baby." What a sweet description for a child to grasp how it really is love.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by the family that I'm in. My husband is so attracted to me and my plumpness and he tells me daily. He is constantly touching my belly and telling this baby to "come out now!" He says how he can't wait to hold the naked baby with his shirt off and get that special skin on skin contact.

Hailey is so excited and has been the most amazing big sister and helper. Last night I was holding onto Peter's shoulders for support through a contraction (15 mins apart for over 4 hours- then nothin) and Hailey came over to us and he told her to go sit down and finish her cookie. She said, "But in the book, the Mommy is holding onto the Daddy and the little girl is rubbing the Mommy's back." It was sooo sweet and innocent and she truly wanted to be a part of that moment. The name of the book is "We're having a homebirth." Rebecca let me borrow it and the girls both love it. It has great pictures and it talks about the midwife coming to the house and how mommy makes lots of good noises like an elephant.

Trinity definitely knows that something is going on. She knows there's a baby in my belly, but I don't think she knows that it's coming out soon. She has been acting out and being nasty to her sister and I think it's just the tension in the air from our patience being stretched to the limit! She can be so funny when her sister isn't around. She really tries to entertain us, walking around with her tongue hanging out and waddling like a duck. She knows she's funny too which makes it even cuter!

I am struggling with feeling guilty for sending my kids off to people's houses while I try to rest and let my back rest. I have had such back pain and I think part of it is taking care of the girls and the house and the other part of it is the baby's positioning. I want to enjoy the last bit of time with Hailey and Trinity as my only two children- and I want to have one on one time with each of them, but I have to do what's best for everyone, and I am no good to anyone if I cannot move! I love when the girls cuddle up on what's left of my lap and I read to them.

Yesterday Peter juiced a TON of apples and it's the best apple juice you have ever tasted! It tastes a bit more like apple cider than apple juice- not at all like the juice you buy in the store- maybe more like the organic all natural juice, but i've never had that to compare it. While he did that, I made an apple pie as a "birthday cake" for the baby. I got out a huge bag of shoes for the girls and Hailey kept putting different shoes onto Trinity and then bringing her in to show us "how pretty." Trinity would just light up to hear us say, "Oh Trinity that's sooo pretty." Hailey would say, "ok, let's go get different shoes on." This went on for over a half hour. It was so sweet. I love it when they play together without fighting and I love to see how much they truly love each other.

It's amazing to me how God has continually met our needs. I am blessed beyond belief to have a church body who is so willing to help our family. Whether it's taking the girls, bringing us a huge box full of loaves of bread (my freezer is overflowing!) or bringing us meals, they are more than willing to meet a need when it exists. Also, my mother-in-law, what an amazing woman! God has given her the gift of being a servant. Knowing I can count on her for practically anything is such a blessing. I don't even have to ask most of the time she just offers or just does it. I hope someday I am able to take care of her and her needs like she has for me.

Despite the recent craziness of life, homeschooling is going surprisingly well. There have been 1 or 2 days that we have missed, but over all, I am really pleased with her progress and with all the new concepts she is grasping so quickly! She read a book to me yesterday- the whole thing- and was so proud of herself! I pray that things continue to go this well after baby arrives and my attention is demanded elsewhere.

I started reading "To Train Up a Child" again for some much needed refreshing. I am looking forward to some good training sessions! I have totally been depending on discipline and ignoring training. It was good to read and remember what the difference is, and how to be intentional in training- and keep the goal in mind- working toward Godliness (me and my kiddos!)