Sunday, March 16, 2008

Bailey's 1st Birthday!

so we celebrated with rich and kim tonight and her whole family for bailey's 1st birthday. as you can see from the picture bailey is a very happy baby and hailey just loves her- along with every other baby. we had a really good visit and i was able to open up to kim more and apologize about how i had treated her in the past- so it was really good. hailey and jordan had such a blast together and i'm sure they'll both be pooped tomorrow.

tomorrow is hailey's first ever dentist appointment. hopefully they won't fight me about not wanting the flouride. other wise we'll just go somewhere else.

anyone ever have God reveal to them how little they know and how much they need to change so much so that it's like- ok where do i begin- there's too much! i have had so much anger lately for no reason- and i don't want to blame it on hormones because i know that we can make the choice to have a good attitude and choose joy, or we can choose to sin and walk in the flesh. i'm just so used to letting my flesh win, i haven't fed my spirit enough for it to be strong enough to fight these spiritual battles. i am recognizing sooooo much about myself and my behavior and my mindset- but if i don't put it into practice- if i don't change by allowing God to change me, my knowledge is so useless.

i am seeing some really ugly things in myself like how i find it sooooo important to be in control of everything and i freak out if i'm not because i think they're going to do it wrong- because it isn't going to be "my way." this plays out in my marriage with my not trusting my husband- i didn't really see it before because i didn't think it had anything to do with trust, but it's everything...if i trust that my husband is following God and that he's the leader of our home, then i won't argue with his ideas or with his plans, or how he wants to do the finances, or anything. by arguing or by questioning his authority i am disobeying God because i'm not submitting to the role God placed me in. I am here to encourage my husband. even in his sin i am to encourage him, not nag, not hold unforgiveness, and be his helper, not an enabler. also, why do i have the gall to think that my way is best? to do so it to think i know more than God, because God says that my husband knows what is best for me and our family. Do i know more than God. What indignation! What disgusting pride! filthy. maybe that's why i have had such anger lately, i have seen myself and i'm angry and disgusted. but i know that's not where i am to stay. i need to look at the sin for what it is, confess it, and receive his forgiveness and change my thoughts, behavior, and actions.


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