more thoughts...

good intentions aren't enough, i have so many "i really should..." lists. Do them!!!! i am telling myself as well as you- DO THEM! don't wait anymore. start with one. a letter you've been meaning to write, a card you've been meaning to send, a place you've wanted to visit- whatever it is, seize the moment. just do it! this earthly life is so short and we need to let all the people around us know just how much them truly mean to us. You don't know how much time you have left with anyone. You don't know if tomorrow is the last time you will kiss your spouse. make it count! make each day a day you love to live. don't worry about if you had a "fun" day, make it special to someone who is special to you. you will be so much happier when you stop focusing on yourself and you try to make someone else happy...you will find joy when you serve. true joy- unselfish and real joy. Jesus served when he was on earth he knew what brought true contentment and satisfaction. How can you change someone's life today? maybe just a phone call but it means so much to them. deny yourself and serve. humble yourself and stop being selfish- check your motives. - that's it i guess- have a great day!

Thinking

I'm finding lately that the devil gets a kick out of keeping our brain inactive. He wants us to live our lives without really thinking. Why as children do we question everything and hunger for so much more and never seem to satisify, but as adults we could care less if we learn something new? why don't we question why we do what we do? why are we so complacent and do we live mondainly instead of looking for the next adventure- whether it be physical or mental. am i the only one who struggles with this? it doesn't seem that my husband does, he is constantly devouring any new info he can get his hands on, not necessarily to digest it, but to eat the meat and spit out the bones. i am so grateful to feel secure as him being the leader of our home. for several years i didn't have that and it's a scary place to be. some women wait for so long on the Lord and on their husbands to get to that place where they accept their role as leader and protector and provider. Some women finally get that reward, others don't. some women just give up and take that role on themselves...what is better? to take on the role God gave to your husband and also try to fulfill the woman's role, or to trust God and let Him work on his heart, and make him into who he was called to be. i grieve for the women who have assumed that role and who didn't stick it out and wait on the Lord for his timing. He wants us to trust him completely and to rely on his timing...not our own, who are you to say that you've waited long enough? who's standards are you living by? who's rules are you following?

anyway, i find that my mind is idle way too much and that i have too much time to think on things of this world, earthly things, and that i judge people so quickly and that i don't want to give people a chance to "redeem" themselves when they have crossed me. how selfish.

we as humans think way too much about the way that the world effects us- instead let's think about how we can effect the world! in fact- let's infect the world. we are not to be chirstians that don't offend, that just blend in and people are comfortable with. let me tell you something if you have invited an unbeliever to your church and they were comfortable...something is reeeealllyyy wrong! people of darkness should be sooooo uncomfortable in the light- they should squirm! they ought to want to run out screaming! not because we're freaks- but because the power and conviction of the holy spirit is more than they can handle without turning their lives over to Christ!!!! because the truth is being spoken and because darkness and light don't mix.

I am a lazy Christian and i hate it. i hate that i am a flatterer. i hate that i'm part of the "nice club". the people who want to make others feel good so that they don't think about the ugly in them, the shallowness, the complacency, the laziness. i don't want to get close to people especially women -and i have struggled with this for years-because i know that they see this in me. i do want to change, but i don't know how, and i am afraid if i let people know who i am and what i'm really like, that they won't like me...why do i care so much if they like me? why do i try to hide my sin- hasn't the person next to me sinned just as much? why do i think they are better- less of a sinner? why do i hide? i am paul. i do what i don't want to do and i don't do what i want to do. this is all of us- but i see it everyday in me. i let myself down everyday and i feel that i let down my husband my daughter, and most of all my Lord. Is He really Lord of my life? Lord that is my #1 first priority? NO, He's not and i don't want it that way- but i keep it that way because of my laziness. In my mind- He's my Lord, in my heart He's my Lord, but in my actions- my fruit- He's not! What does the world see? What does my family see? What does HE SEE???? When will I change? When will i give up my life- my agenda that's soooo much more important? When is Rachael done being fake?

The best gift!

Ok so i forgot to write about what my wonderful husband did for me a couple of fridays ago. he dropped me off at work and went to work out, hailey plays in the playroom with other kids and an adult and he checks on her every couple of mins. when he came to pick me up, he didn't have hailey in the carseat...i said, "where's hailey?" and he said.,"are you ready to have some fun?" and my mouth dropped! i was like are you serious! you're joking! he had planned it days before to have a couple from church with 4 kids watch her overnight. i asked, don't you have to work tomorrow? and he said that he used a "floating holiday", which they get for each holiday. so i was just shocked! he took me to a restaurant -we've been waiting for it to open- called the melting pot. it's a fondu restaurant and it was so incredible! you have to find out if you have one in your area and go!!!! such a neat experience. we were there 3 hours which i think is very typical. it had just opened on dec 19th. we left so stuffed. we went home and started watching our favorite love story- the notebook- but we only made it about half way through...it was a night to remember! my heart has not raced as fast as it did when i found out he had truly surprised me in so long! what a gift to have a man who still wants to keep the romance alive after 10 years together- 6 1/2 married years...ohmygosh i almost forgot the best part...i had just gotten out of work and was gross and hairy- hairstylist usually are covered in other people's hair- pleasant, no? and he brought me a change of clothes, a change of shoes, and MY MAKE UP BAG!!!! I had not put any on to go to work since i thought i left it in the car, and it wasn't and i didn't have time to g back home...is he amazing or what!!!???!!!

Pa Pa's

This is Hailey and her Pa Pa's- 2 of them anyway. One is actually her great Pa Pa, my dad's dad. The other is Peter's father- you try to figure out who's who. They both have the same amount of hair i think ;-)

Kissin' Cousins

This is Hailey and Jordan on Christmas Eve.

Challenges

ok so i fully intended on blogging a few days ago but i was having a total brain fart and couldn't remember my password to log in...grrr. ok so here i am and i have had a few challenges this week. First off, on sat night i called my sister-in-law who is a long time alcoholic and i told her that i was able to do her hair on wed. she was beyond drunk, and proceeded to tell me that i was hiding something from her and i needed to be honest about what was bothering me...this went on forever...can you say annoying? and then she wanted to read me a letter that i think she had written me a long time ago...well, that didn't end up happening and the only way i could get her off the phone was to tell her that peter needed to talk to me. she said to call her back- and when i didn't- she called non stop for hours...so i had to unplug the phone. i'm sure i missed many a call but i had to do it.

next challenge was yesterdays dance class. the kiddos were so out of control i left extremely stressed out. i told peter that 1/2 hour of that was worse than a week of hailey whining. i really dont' want to teach anymore but i feel that i should finish out this school year with these kids. i wrote to the director though and let her know what's been going on. i told her everything and i hope she's understanding. they just wouldn't listen no matter what i did. it was so chaotic!!!!

the other challenge we had was the power going out at 4am and trying to find things to do in the house all day with my sweet girl. we painted, we colored, we read books, we cleaned her toys, she rode her bike, we snuggled...i didn't want to hook up the kerosene heater since it wasn't too cold out so we just bundled up. it was a good time to spend one on one, but i was really happy when it came back on at 915pm. we were at church from 545-8 so that was a nice break and it was nice to be in real light instead of candlelight.

on the upside- monday and tue when peter was off the weather was amazing! it was about 70 on tue and so we took her to the park and though it was muddy we let her ride her bike on the road and the basketball court, she was in heaven! she loves it and is getting really good and today she said "look mom, i'm going backwards!" she says backwards so well and i didn't even know she knew that word. we also walked around our cute little town and went in the library and got some movies out for her. also i was able to order a book to get started on my reading for my doula training! yeah! the first step was to pay the $15 fine on the library card...i keep them in business...doing my part!!!! ;-)

monday we went to my brother and sister in laws house to pick up my mother in laws car that she's letting me use while she's in florida then we took hailey to the dr. since she hasn't been since she was about 18 months and had a physical...perfectly healthy- i already knew that. average on all their stupid charts. 30lbs and 37 1/4 in. tall. the whole reason i had to take her was to get a wic referal. so then we had to take her to get a lead test and they had to do a draw, they couldn't just do the finger prick, so i was totally stressing about this- the last time i had that done she screamed bloody murder and it was so painful for me. this time- she watched the needle go in, and didn't even flintch. i said,"see hailey, that's your blood going in the tube!" she thought it was cool. especially the bugs bunny bandaid. i was floored and so was peter his jaw was on the floor! what a blessing that she was so calm! it did hurt her later on and she whined but we went and got ice cream and all was well with the world!

tuesday work was so slow that i had my friend rebecca come in and get her hair done- it came out awesome and she loved it! we did bright red highlights and blonde too. tomorrow i'm going to her house and she's giving me a massage! yeah for bartering! i'm kinda brain dead i have an appt early in the am, so i'm ganna hit the hay. love you and miss you mom!

Baby "Kenzie"- it's really McKenzie

This is Hailey doing what she does best- mothering. I am so looking forward to when she can hold her siblings, and maul them, and do all the mothering that she won't let me do. She was so amazing with her. She would soothe her any time she whined. she would say, "it's ok baby, here's your binky." She was also rocking her in her carseat, what a gift she has... to be a nurturer and how amazing that God put that in her from birth. she has always prefered to walk around with a baby in her arms than anything else. I am way too proud of my mini-me! The baby she's holding is my best friend Rebecca's second baby- i got to be there for her birth- well both of her kids- but this one was extra special since she gave birth at home. What a gift i wish all women would accept. Our Father gave us everything we need to complete this natural mind blowing task- we just have to trust Him!...more on this to come i'm sure!

These are the pix i promised of my little artist who insists on painting on a daily basis. Isn't the smock just too cute!

ok so i had some thoughts that i thought i would share...i was thinking back to when i was about to be getting married and i was a waitress and i didn't know what i wanted to do...school or career or anything..so i figured i'd give beauty school a try. i had no passion for it, i didn't have much of an education in it, i didn't really know too much other than i like to watch my mom do it, so i thought i'd give it a try. turns out- it's now 7 years later- it's my passion. one of them anyway. i love what i do and i am so grateful that i took that initial step of faith to try something that was foreign but that i was interested in. all that said- i have been thinking about why i haven't pursued anything with becoming a doula...i had thought about it- done a ton of research and prayed about it talked to my hubby about it- and then it just fell out of my mind, i guess. not really, i just didn't think it was possible because of a small investment- which is really nothing when you think of what you gain. i spent over $8000 for beauty school but i have made much more than that already. and i'll have that degree/ education for the rest of my life- what a drop in the bucket! how silly of me to think that a $400 investment wasn't worth it! and what's more- i ALREADY have such a strong passion for this natural way of childbirth. I would be silly to ignore this desire and to not "give it a try." if i find that it just wasn't for me- then i learned something along the way and met amazing people along the way too. i am saying all this to encourage everyone to not ignore passions that you have- to live each day to its fullest- and to not wait for the good life to come to you but to live it each day because of the choices you make! Choose to let God direct you and to let the desires of your heart

be revealed to you- by pursuing Him. I keep hearing over and over in my head to not waste time- to stop being lazy, to accomplish goals to achieve more. Life is way too short to be limited. Be the jack of all trades. You are the only one who limits yourself. God is way too big to think that you are fine where you are- dream big!

if i sound like a motivational speaker- i don't know where this is coming from- i haven't listened to anything lately except my thoughts/ meditations, and i haven't read anything motivation or talked to anyone like this. i just couldn't sleep tonight which is wierd considering i'm running on 3 hours of sleep from new years eve and i worked 7 hour days mon and tue which i haven't done since i was prego over 3 years ago! ahhhh! maybe i had too much sugar! whatever it is- i'm grateful for it. i am determined to have an unforgettable year! i am so excited for all the change God has in store for me- hey, wanna get your whole world rocked???? pray- "God, break me!" woah nelly! i am so pumped for who i am going to become. i know she's there, i am also so grateful for new friendships with women who have a passion and a zeal for Christ! and it's the real deal not some "fake church smile"! i am encouraged by them and am looking forward to how they can rub off on me and i can change for the better.